MOVING ON (Poem)

I shut my eyes, with it
the glimpses of this city in my mind,
climbed onto the bus with a heavy heart,

my gaze steering through
welcomed by unfamiliar stares,
i took a seat by a window,
intromitted the sunlight  soaked in blue,
I breathed in the smoky smell
of the bus, let out a sigh,
My mind, still clouded, misted
with the pictures of the streets
I drove in the twilight,
the giant moon that crept
over our balcony,
a mystical yet breathtaking view,
Did I inhale the reality of the moment,
that smell of incense stick, would
linger in through the neighbor's window,
the tree in the backyard,
that I had witnessed growing fuller,
greener every spring
and naked every autumn.
that cute snuggly black kitten,
sneaked into my room, paying humble visits,
grew to be a scary yet adorable creature
infront of my brown eyes.
The glisten of the streets after rain,
like tiny diamonds embedded in them,
the wetness of the branches of the same tree.
A sudden attack of nostalgia was it?
my eyes, misted with teardrops
smudging my mascara, blurring my vision.
As I opened the window,
felt the drizzle on my cheeks,
tiny droplets of rain smothered
my pale weary face.
The rain poured all over
with it, the memories old and new,
I extended my arm out,
to catch the drops of memories
a futile endeavor,
my sobs went unheard under
the sound of rain, washed away my tears,
As I sat back in my seat,
induced to a slumber that promised
nothing but a momentary relief.

CHOICES That We Make (Return of NOSTALGIA) Ѫ

So, here I am . The last few days have been more like a whirlwind pushing me into a river of thoughts and memories. I still wonder what my life would have been like if I were studying in Andhra Pradesh and not in Assam. One thing I was certain of was that If I had chosen to continue my studies there, I would have never learnt about my own culture i.e Assamese culture. It would have been a shame. In fact, I'm not even fluent yet in speaking Assamese. They say language can sometimes become a barrier in friendship - Not always true. There will always be people who would be ready to accept you the way you are, despite your flaws and all. All you have to do is hold on to them. I consider myself lucky to have such people in my life. Then there are going to be some people who would never miss a chance to ridicule you by pointing out even you pettiest faults. Well, I'm led astray by my other philosophies and findings. I was saying that sometimes you have to make certain choices, choices that can be really difficult to make. Choosing between Sec-bad and my own place, Assam was sure a tough one. It was like choosing between an ice-cream and a chocolate. You love them both but you dad will buy you only one of them. Sec-bad has been like a home to me for a decade. When you live at a place for so long, it grows on you. You know the streets and some of the important routes you embed in your mind to school, hospital, malls and restaurants. Then you got friends somewhere near your place and you can drive to them every time you get lonely during weekends and especially during long vacations.  What really intrigued me that I had only a couple of Assamese friends, I never really knew what it was like to grow up in your own native place, speaking a language that sets you apart from the people of other states, our own rituals and rites. I am not a religious or a spiritual person but I respect tradition and certain mystical beliefs people have about everything. It is not logical to support them but if it is doing them good and making them a better person, why bother? And I wished to get familiar to some of them. Another reason that can be accounted was that everyday I would hear people rambling on in their language , Telegu. Although I prefer myself and others to speak or learn to speak in Hindi, I learnt that how much in love they were with their own language and were proud of it. So, I felt it is time that I learn Assamese too. They say that the best way to learn a language is to stay amongst the native speakers and learn it. So here I am. Moreover, I am a sort of person who is not fond of a routinized life. Same places, same faces, they bore me. I love variety. I love change. Living in a place for more than ten years did not seem a brilliant idea to me. So I was compelled to be here, the place where my parents grew up. Everything about here is wonderful. Except, I miss the big malls and restaurants that would lined up along streets in sec-bad. But our university is like a little paradise to us. Riding off our bicycles by the playground at night does send a chill down my spine for the field would be teeming with lights with guys and girls playing football, cricket and basketball, it sure is a thrilling sight. You don't have to drive out of the campus for street food. We got stalls within the campus, golgappe, momos, chaat - street food. When I had first stepped into the campus for counselling, I could not help but gape at the magnificent, at the same time, spectacular panorama. Right then, I knew that I am going to have the time of my life here. Our university is engulfed in the beauty of nature. But now is the time to rest our asses off at home.

It is amusing that when people ask me where I'm from, I'm bound to say Jorhat instead of Sec-bad. Taking birth at a particular place and growing up in a different place leaves me with a question mark, what would be the appropriate answer to - Where am I from? If only they would ask me where I hail from? Jorhat it is. But if they ask where I grew up, I'd say Sec-bad. But now I'm fed up of explaining it to people, so I rather tell them that I'm from Jorhat but then they question more as to why my accent does not seem to prove the fact that I'm from Jorhat, then I explain them the whole thing again in a monotonous tone. And every time I'm caught in this situation, I am annoyed. I remember how in schools, folks were always excited to ask me where I come from 'cause I looked different, not really, I look like how northeast people do, and I would feel special. Alas, does not happen anymore. But everyone is so nice and warm here that I never feel left out here. And the weather is so soothing and refreshing. In sec-bad, you could never tell a difference between winter and autumn and summer was too hot and dry. But here, summer is hot, winter is cold, that's how it should be, right?  But at times, I do get nostalgic reminiscing the years I have spent in Andhra Pradesh. Sometimes, I just cannot recall the smell of those streets or the faces of the folks in our colony or the taste of those golgappas from the stall stood nearby our school. And I miss it. Good or Bad, I miss it all. :')

Pretty and Peppy,

A Sneak Peek - Part 2

I'm home. It's too hot here, like the sun is boiling with all its might and we sit inside our abode with all the perspiration. No matter what we start with, the scotching heat will drain you all of your spirit and strength. Today, I'm little bit out of energy. I don't remember what I dreamt last night. I'm trying to stick to a routine that will include activities which I had planned to do in this summer vacation. I'm reluctant to mention what I'm aiming for. Remember those days when we have a whole list of options on what we can do to kill time but we still just sit down like couch potato and do nothing, not even a single damn thing? Well, I'm not gone this paranoid as of now though there are reasons that I should be. Being home (here in Assam), it is like being disconnected from the world outside. It's more like living in a house that is found far from civilization, amongst forests. It's peaceful, quiet and still your brain shuts down at times. You can count this place among those where you can spend time soul-searching. But I'm confused what soul-searching really means. It sounds like some meditation that you do to achieve Zen and stuff or find what really makes you happy, the inner peace and blah blah. What do I need soul-searching for?

It feels like I'm watching television after a decade. Watching television in hostel never made me comfortable enough. When you know that there's always someone peering at the screen just over your shoulder, it kind of takes away the real joy of watching television. Hence I prefer watching television only at home where there's no one objecting over what I should or should not watch. Apart from that, the internet connection is not as slow as I assumed it to be which is pretty good news. Keeping aside the television and internet and coming to humans, my cousins are still the same- Noisy, brawlers of the highest order, little young women with sharp tongues. I doubt whether I was as chatty and loud when I was young. Now I'm definitely not.   Besides that, you know how it is here? Here, you'll never need to set an alarm to get up early in the mornings. Your cousins wake up way too earlier and even start fighting that it'll be as clamorous as a battle that will awake you though that's not a good way to start a day. At my mother's place, it's my little cousin sister who'd wake up first and cry at the top of her voice that the whole house is bound to wake up instantly. I told ya', No need of setting Alarms! The one thing that did go out of my hand was my idea of turning into a vegan. I was very determined not to even touch chicken or fish but then I was familiarized with the very distasteful vegetable dishes that they serve us as food in hostel. They can only cook non-vegetarian dishes right. I was helpless. Earlier, Mom would make every veggie in a certain different way so that it would end up being my favorite dish but now no more homemade meals. It was hard to remain a vegan. Sigh. At home, I do prefer having as much of veggies because I know that my retreat to hostel will turn me into a non-vegan again. But I do miss that life too, my friends, that feeling of being on my own and being self-reliant. I hope my friends miss me too :)

Spooky and Sassy,

Going Home ♥

Exams are over. What a big relief! Like the weight hanging inside my head is finally being lifted. Now is the time to pack up my stuff and head back home(in Assam). Well, heading back home is equivalent to five hours of Bus ride for me. Those five hours of "Boredom" that freezes every nerve in your brain and you wish you could sleep through the whole journey. But I'm not the one who can fall asleep on cue. The last two times I was in that house, I could not gather myself to call it home though Dad was there. Because home is where Mom-Dad are, where you have meals cooked by mom and spend money borrowed from your dad. I had always fancied the idea of living in a hostel where I would find myriad friends, would live, eat and go to bed with them. And that we'll be like "Young, Wild and Free." But it turns out that no matter how many friends or soul sisters you got here, no one can make you feel as secure as you feel with your parents. For all those times when you are blue and Mom assures you that it is going to be okay and you instantly believe her. When you are struggling with your project and Dad shows you how you do it the right way. Then you got a brother who never misses a chance to pull your leg or pass lousy comments on your new hairstyle or new dresses. But it does feel so "Right" to be together with them. Now I miss it. I really do. 

I'm so overwhelmed that I'm going back home. Two months of Mom's pampering and Dad's scoldings for being a couch potato or sleeping way too much. But this time I got Plans. A list that will define my existence and save me from this monster called "Boredom". I think I'm going to have a good time with my cousins who are younger, wilder and cuter and listen to me, unlike others. Hehe! And I realised that now that I'm going to be away from the friends and people here. I'll miss them especially my senior roomie who has been such a sweetheart and I'll miss being "Busy Bee". Getting up early for college, dressing up for various events, going shopping with friends, watching movies and shows with them, those birthday bashes and cakes :), those jam sessions, those dance rehearsals. Not going to miss hostel food though. I just hope I'm productive while I'm at home. I feel everything is going to be just 

fine :)

A good secret keeper,