There comes a time when you sit down, conjure yourself in the moment and reflect upon just everything going on in your life. You do not just live in one reality but hundreds of them. A million possibilities that were left unexplored, the decisions that gave you no way out and you feel stuck. You ask yourself what you really want out of life while you drag along each day mindlessly. The routine ain't exciting anymore. What you really want to do is, take a dive and feel the whole spectrum of emotions that make you feel alive. But you feel stuck, either in past or future. They say life is suffering and you begin to realize how true that is. You cannot recall a time in your life when you were there, in the moment, 100% without any emotional baggage, anxiety or restlessness of life. When you were patient and the uncertainty of the next moment could not stir the anxiety in you. It is tough, I do not call it easy. Because I don't think there will be a time in life when all your worries of future and hurt from past will melt away magically and you will decide to live each moment consciously. And all you ever wanted was to be happy and yet, when someone asks you about the last time you were happy, you could only recall the sound of laughter and giggles from a party or an occasion few weeks back.
But what you really are after is Joy - the feeling of fulfillment, the feeling of being connected, the feeling that we are making a difference in this world somehow. And it so damn difficult to keep aside your insecurities when you have been trapped in this web of fear throughout your life, rethinking each thought and action.What is needed is, to live only one reality, to see things for how they really are. To keep moving forward chasing a dream and while you do that, take nothing for granted, be grateful to every moment, the things and people that make up that moment. Find a purpose worth living and dying for. And eventually, the ghosts from past will be tired of chasing you. There will be days when motivation will be hard to find. There will be self-doubt. There will be voices from outside and in your head, keeping you safe, protecting you from failure and embarrassment. And you will have to remember that nothing is bigger than the dream, the purpose - the only thing that could free you from the suffering.
Engulfed in Madness,
