I don't like the way my chin doubles when I look down at my shoes,
I don't like how my flabby arms peek out of my half sleeve,
I don't like how I falter when I walk in my heels,
I don't like the fact that my nose is not sharp, the way pretty clothes don't fit me and my jeans is too tight at my waist. I don't like how I got tiny chubby fingers and a muffin top that makes my dresses look clumsy.
I don't like how I laugh like a big old man sometimes and my voice comes out squeaky when I tell a sad story. I don't like that I burn my fingers when I am cooking (rarely though). I don't like how they judge me for dressing up like a tomboy or spend too much on shopping. I don't like how some things never go my way and how I worry about petty things that cause no harm.
I don't like that when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't recognize who I really am, I get lost, I feel trapped. I feel all the emotions at once and the very next moment , I am a unfeeling robot.
But..
I love .. love how my eyes crinkle when I smile.
I love how my lips look puffy and radiant when I apply that particular shade of pink.
I love how my hair go wavy naturally and gracefully after I wash and let em dry.
I love how my face shimmers when I come back from gym, how my lower back is arched beautifully and how my thighs look attractive in jeans. I love my pout in pictures and that wink that goes along so frigging well.
I love how I start a story with a monotone just to crack people up with the punchline. I love how I can infuse my energy into the room, easily make people dance and sing at parties. I love the generosity I show toward people. I love how I accept my mistakes and learn from them. I love how I still trust in the goodness of people despite heartbreaks, rejections and humiliations. I love how strong I have become and yet don't fear to show some vulnerability. I love how things fall into place when I don't lose hope. I love how I feel lost and yet find myself every morning.
Either love or hate myself sometimes I have to make that choice every frigging day and I choose to love myself unapologetically and unconditionally every single time, like I would love another soul.
Comfortably Numb,
