Sweets over Chocolates, HAPPY DIWALI :)

The most auspicious and celebrated festival in India, Diwali is here with a bang! Sadly, I tend to get fatter and fuller during celebrations for I associate happiness with food and sadness with double the amount of food. For me, Diwali translates to Crackers, Sweets, New Dresses, Lamps and Lights. I am one of those who prefer sweets over chocolates, the one who prefers dessert in almost every meal and snack, oh yeah, that is me! I remember when I was small and on Diwali, Mom would take hours to finish her prayers to all gods in the evening, especially Lord Lakshmi and how I would be waiting desperately to go out and start burning crackers or eat sweets. Alas! I miss my parents, I wish I was there and also here. That doesn't make sense, I know! I must admit that I am quite petrified of the crackers which have "bombs" as their suffix and there are hell lot of them - mirchi bomb, laxmi bomb, atom bomb, sounds funny though and If I happen to see a girl bursting such crackers, I would be in such awe for her, she becomes my hero instantly. Diwali is when we raid our friends' place for sweets and crackers. The toughest part is when someone asks me to choose from a box of sweets and I ain't able to choose because I love all of them, all kinds of sweets whether barfi, samosa, rasgulla, peda etc. The day when you wear the most elegant traditional attires and make bright and beautiful rangolis in front of your house. And I was on the watch that nobody spoils the rangoli or if all the deeps or dias are still lighting or not. I am not sure why I did that! I can't forget how we celebrated Diwali in our hostels, dressing up nice and protecting our dresses from the crackers in the streets while we roamed and ate sweets at our professors' house. Holi in hostel was as crazy to be honest. The best thing about this Diwali is I got my first salary.

I do not know how I feel, I guess the feeling is bittersweet since I know how much I have sweated to land on a job that matches my interest and dream, and at the same time, I am intimidated by the fact that I have to earn my salary every month through hard work and determination. And often I tend to go astray because of my carefree attitude. There are a couple of things that I really feel are limiting in a job. First, the 9-5 rule, I know my saturation levels and I hate being tired when I am home and not able to do stuff that I love to do. Second, not able to take a vacation anytime I want. Earning sacks of money and yet not being able to spend it all on a vacation sounds lame to me. Perhaps it is just the beginning and I am just letting my mind go crazy so soon.

Well, I am going to put my pen down, figuratively :P

Happy Diwali to all, Stay safe, have lots of sweets and have FUN!

Trying to find her place,

Some NIGHTS I stay UP.

There are days when you wake up feeling so darn SINGLE. You reach out for your phone next to your pillow, see a couple of replies from your friends who had no courtesy to reply any sooner last night that you dozed off. You get an urge to message your crush imagining all possibilities of him falling for your humor when he reads your texts, you try to look pretty in your pictures and sometimes dorky so that he assumes that you are fun and crazy, in a good way though. But when nothing seems to work out, you stab those urges every time they sprout up. Ah! Could I feel anymore single? You hope that your ex boyfriend is still single because you are single. You stalk his facebook profile one night and somehow end up cursing every girl that ever posed with him in pictures. This leaves you so depressed and hungry that all you can think about is raid the fridge. And just when you are about to do so, you are reminded of your ordeal at the gym to lose that 5 pounds, that you step backward and take a walk of shame back to your room. Now you are left with less options, you think of watching a romantic movie with a perfect happy ending, the ones which show in the end -  "And they lived happy ever after". You get all touchy and mushy when the hero is unknowingly in love with the heroine but never admits it until in the end, when he finally proposes to her. You wish that life was a movie with everything just as same and swear at every guy(in your mind) that tried to wreck your fairytale. And then in the middle of night,  when you are still not alright feeling vulnerable and fragile, you try calling your besties and unfortunately this is that one night when none of those idiots are awake. You see yourself scooped into the blaming zone, where you blame yourself for every failed relationship you ever had, you blame yourself for all his calls that went unreturned, you blame yourself for fighting with him, you blame yourself for all his plans that were cancelled by you, you blame yourself for not being pretty enough that he cheated on you and the blaming goes on until you fuse into a stream of tears. You convince yourself that love is not your cup of tea and that you are going to die single, that you will forever be alone. I have read somewhere that crying makes you feel tired and sleepy, and once the sob-fest begins, the blaming resumes, you also start to blame yourself for messing up your grades in school-high school-college, for not saying yes to that guy in your high school who is now working in a topnotch company and looks hotter than ever and this goes on for hours until you drift into a long and deep slumber. The next morning feels more like a hangover. You feel stupid and silly for being a miserable moron last night because you know that you are awesome and pretty. You shake off the negativity and plan the rest of the day.

I feel being single is not a big deal, what really is a big deal is whether you are happy or not, whether you are doing stuff that you are passionate about. You never know when and who is falling in love with you, until then you got to enjoy life and treat yourself like a queen. I am pretty starved now. Signing out, See you soon :)

Famished and Funny,

Only CHANGE is CONSTANT

It feels like ages since I wrote my last blog post. I guess I fell victim to indolence and timely mind numbness. A lot has changed since then. I am back in Hyderabad which is the best Indian city to live in according to the reputed "The Economic Times" and this place just keeps getting more crowded each time. The skyscrapers with their queer brilliance and the delicious delicacies of the dhabas that run the side of streets. The huge malls which make me feel tiny and the road traffic pumping in and out all day. There is this thing about big cities, always busy with people bustling about and rushing to nowhere significant. You just do not go with the flow, infact you are pushed, juggled and rocked side to side before you make it to the desired destination. You come across people so filthy rich  dining, shopping and drinking their youth away and in contrast, those poor lads at bus stations and streets begging and pleading with you for food or money. When the corpulence and the thinness do not fit the beautiful clothes hanging by the spacious malls. And every time I walk these streets, my gaze is glued to the fancy cars speeding the roads and I find it amazing how people strive and sweat it to finally be able to buy their favorite car. Now and then, I hear stories about people quitting their monotonous jobs chasing their big dream and becoming a billionaire. Then I slip into quiet and contemplate on all the things that have changed.

Often do I fall into a reverie wishing for the cheap thrills with buddies during hostel and college days. How the word "Jugaad" became the tagline of my life and everything was taken care of since then. How a single chocolate bar was shared among 5 people, how golgappas were the cheapest favorite snack and everything could be borrowed instead of being bought. How our pocket money was never enough for the food cravings that knew no bounds. And those midnight blues when every taylor swift fan joined the chorus to either diss their exes or newly found crush. Weekends were desperately looked forward to because every girl competed to buy the most ravishing clothes at the cheapest  prices, this happened every freaking saturday! Some saturdays would turn into sleepovers and others into movie nights. Oh god! Those were the days :D I got carried away, hehe.

And now it is all over, I feel a bit clueless, like I am thrown into some other planet. These city lights blind me sometimes. Everything feels a bit congested and I find myself digging up a pit so that I can doze off in it and wake up when it is all over. This change is a bit overwhelming, more like, intimidating. And when I ask for advice, it will be pouring from all sides and I am dumbstruck, like a lost puppy. They say change is inevitable and yet that familiar warmth of my bed, that similar taste of my tea every morning, the look of their face always inviting haunt me out of blue. I guess I need to find my jam, my thing and some new people who are as crazy, silly and eccentric as I am. I hope this city will feel like home again real soon.
I am going to put a stop to my rants now. I feel hungry, need to take a shower and have lunch. Signing out, See you soon, guys :D

Funky and Flaky,