* Reminiscence * (A Poem)

The sunlight tumbled upon the tinted window
Slipped into the room illuminating her pallid face
Awakens the soul gone weary from work last night.
As Forced her eyes to open, his memory struck her,
like a migraine, an incurable one, thudding in her head
The Memory still fresh as dew droplets on the window,
Pulling off the curtains, she prayed for freedom.
Freedom from his thoughts, his crooked smile
that diluted her senses, stamped in her memory.
Helpless did she feel for the cruel realization 

When rain pour down heavily like ugly swords 
up high from the grey beaten but heavenly skies,
And raindrops play tickety tac on her old roof,
His memory would sneak in uninvited while
she sits absorbed, sipping coffee in the porch.

When her twirling hand on white pale canvas
merge colors to animate her dreary imagination
Interrupted by the memory of his handsome face
Those hauntingly beautiful eyes staring into hers,
That licking of his lips again before kissing her,
Were futile attempts to replicate the face on canvas.

When radio blare out songs, only contributing
to the noise of abyss by careless neighbors,
That one song, slow down her spinning world
Every star burnt bright on the tattered skies,
As they sat together on terrace with her head
On his shoulders, their cold hands intertwined.

When night would grow younger and thicker
dreams exiled by insomnia search for home
On her bed, lied awake, engrossed in the quiet
As her little phone starts to beep shamelessly
An urge sprouts up in the corner of her heart
His voice, she craved to hear on her machine.

With all these merciless years that strolled by
Every now and then, a downpour, the song,
the phone beeping halfway through the night,
stir the thoughts and memories of him in her,
But now she held the hand of another man
guiding her through the dark road ahead.

Caught IN PAPARAZZI #

"I may not be popular but I think I'm doing everything right in life. I got talent. I got skill. I got a heart which is warm filled with compassion and love for others."

I never knew that being popular was a big deal until now. People want to talk, sit, eat and hang out with popular people, wishing to share their limelight. Being talented or skilled does not beat drums if you are not pretty enough. If you do not roam with a dozen different guys every other day. Gone are the days when people clicked pictures to keep them as a memento of memories, they take pictures to upload them on facebook, twitter and other social networking sites. Everyone wants to increase their circle of friends and even include a nerd to get a good grade in exams. Making true friends was never so tough until I stepped in the college.  And when you realize that amidst all stress and pressure building up around you demanding competitiveness, you feel the need of a friend to offer a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on. Someone who will want to be your friend despite your clumsiness and idiotic ideas, walk that extra mile with you.Then I sit back and reflect upon what I have become in these two years - a more cynical and bitter person. Should I join the race to become popular in college when I know that they will remember me no more as soon as I pass out from this university? Is it right to judge the people who are involved in the race? 

╫╫ RANDOMNESS Calls ╫╫

Someone said to me, "You have changed a lot." and I thought "Eh! that came out of the blue." and I had no idea how to respond to that. I kept a straight face and walked away. Basically this post is going to be a random one.

I do not know what that 'someone' was expecting from me. To stay as illusioned, gullible and timid as I was before. Through the years, I have learnt lessons both easy and hard way. I can tell when people are saying things just for the heck of it, what to/not to expect from certain people, when to keep my own tongue under control. And after going through myriad events and circumstances, you do tend to lose your innocence. You can no more be vulnerable around people or else you would turn into a victim of their manipulated ways. I have not changed. I just concentrate on myself more than I ever did. Because I realized that I cannot rely on no one but myself. I love for who I am.  I keep myself busy to keep myself from over-thinking.  I have always learnt not to give up. Just make things happen at any cost. But the truth is that some things and some people ain't really worth a shot. I have been chasing after people who probably do not even deserve me. It is high time I rely on no one but myself completely. Make myself a capable person. So that 'someone' should know that if at all I have changed, that 'someone' is ought to accept me the way I am and not chicken out.

♣ A LETTER to Me ♣

Farewell to another year, 2013. It has taught me a zillion stuff. How everything had seemed to work out yet fell out of place right in the end. Some friendships were temporary and I felt closer to strangers at times. I learnt that participation was more important than winning a competition 'cause it reflected the hidden potential and jerked the competitor in me. I cannot control everything that happens in my life. Sometimes I have to let it be, let things run their course. Crushes and heartbreaks are a part of life. I learnt that I cannot please everyone and be everyone's favorite, that happiness could be found in little things like that special song in my playlist, that old letter my bestie wrote to me when I left the school or listening to my favorite dialogues from a movie. And sharing happiness was as easy as sharing a chocolate with my roommates. It is more fun doing things together than doing them alone like watching a horror movie with friends. Being nice to cruel people was not necessary. Getting a haircut is not always a bad idea and I look prettier with all my teeth showing in the picture. Some days made me feel like a hero and some made me feel like a lost and lonely kid. Drifting apart from my old friends was easy but it took me a little effort to send them a text or give them a call. The birthday became special not because of the surprise cake but for the reason that everyone important remembered to wish me. The handwritten letters delivered to me by a bestie was the best medium of communication and not facebook. Dating is a good thing :) The best way to avoid an argument was to keep my mouth shut and forgiveness could strengthen relations. Keeping busy was necessary to keep myself from overthinking and eventually sulking about everything. I hope the new year makes life less troublesome and more fun :P

Gone with the wind,

♀ That SOMEONE ♂

We all remember that one person who came into our life for a day or two yet made an impact and became a sacred memory. We wish that that person had never slipped away. They could be the best friend we never had, a sibling we always wished our parents had given birth to or the soulmate which had ended our quest for a suitable mate. We wonder, how it took them just a couple of days to persuade us with the words never spoken to lay bare our heart and unveil the answers to the questions that bothered us for so long. In their company, we feel content and most importantly happy. It feels like we had known them forever, like a long lost friend. I remember when we were small kids, making friends was the easiest thing ever and as we grow up, it gets harder to even initiate a hello to a stranger. We confine ourselves to the invisible wall made of timidity and sometimes ego that defines our comfort zone. And one day that one person knocks off that wall, making us vulnerable but confident and it gets easier to invest belief and hopes in ourselves and others again.  They are like the lighthouse guiding us to our destination when we feel lost and lonely in between the dark sea. Yet they are not meant to stay in our life. But we are always grateful that we shared a world together with them for a while and they made life easy again :)