As My Mind Wanders (Poem)

I wonder why 
one can feel the wind but not touch it, 
how one can dream with the eyes open,
still remember a song word by word
after a decade,

I wonder how
you can smile with a heart that's broken
Wait for someone 
who will never come back.
Lie to all with those eyes
never prone to decieving.

I wonder why
I fall in love easy,
Cannot remember the birthdays,
Mess things up, still not blame myself
Need a reason to be happy
but not for being sad.

I wonder why
you call me pretty when 
I just wake from my bed,
you call me strong
when there is no oxygen
running in my blood.
how you touch my soul
without touching me.

I wonder why
sometimes, I feel like a lost kid,
like I belong nowhere, 
like every way is a dead end,
I wonder what if
I'm the only one
who feels this way.

♣ BiRthDaYs & StUfF ♥

Here I am again. I am not sure how I felt about no more being a teenager when I turned 20, two days ago. Growing up was never my cup of tea. I am the one who is always expected to get naughty, childish and reckless at the weirdest hours of the day. I even got myself certified for my crazy streak when I gave up a large share of my pocket money to buy a basketball just to show it off at the basketball court, when I flipped out during a presentation and was  like "Listen to me even if I am talking sh*t"  and when I proposed a senior. I wonder if all this is a part of growing up. Talking about my birthday, I had the best birthday so far. 

I was pretty upset when the day before my birthday was a wreck. The lab exam and the viva did not go well. But on my birthday the luck lady did smile upon me 'cause the DS lab exam went awesome. My partner was already a pro. Having exams during your birthday is a bummer but I got to thank all those people who nevertheless made it so special for me. Getting a cake on your birthday is an expected thing in hostels but it never hurts to pretend that you are not expecting it. Well, I did expect it so I hung up on calls at midnight to feign a surprise when my roommates and friends brought the chocolate cake, a bunch of balloons into the room and sang "Happy Birthday" at the top of their voices. The birthday bumps was not my favorite part. I think it was a pretty good idea to bring the balloons along with the cake because I had condemned them to even touch my wall beforehand. So the balloons served as decoration stuff. I must say that the cake was delectable. To be honest,  I would have been a little disappointed if it wasn't a chocolate cake. The best part was the big Teddy bear that they gifted me. I remember telling them jokingly that I want a giant teddy for my birthday, so I was pretty damn excited carrying my big fat new teddy bear. Still searching for a name though. The birthday wishes kept pouring in all day long through calls and messages. It felt nice :) One of my good friends who is also my benchmate gifted me another present which was too adorable. It was a small idol of that alien "Jadoo" from the movie "Koi mil gaya". She said that she chose it because she thought that I'm out of the world. But I think that she actually meant that I'm an alien. :| Other gifts were great too but this one was really different. Although the party is still due but I think that I had an awesome birthday. Everyone on my "pretty-important-people" list wished me and the rest who did not wish me, well, they are not important to me. So don't bother. Really, I love birthdays, whether it's mine or friends'. You get to have cake, with the yelling and everything, the parties, the photo-sessions in the end. 

So I am going to wrap it up here. As my end term is approaching, the urge to write is growing since I will be spending most of the time studying in my room. Exams, bah!

Weird but Fun

♥ 50 THINGS THAT I LOVE ♥

1.  Chocolates  

2.  Movies

3.  Dance

4.  Music

5.  Rain

6.  Novels

7.  Nice Shoes

8.  Sketching

9.  Gifts

10. Travel

11.  Basketball

12.  Poetry

13.  Paper Planes & Boats

14.  Butterflies

15.  God

16.  Hairstyles

17.   Noodles

18.  Kittens and Pups

19.  Supernatural stuff

20.  Starry sky

21.  Surprises

22.  Late Night Calls

23.  Blogging

24.  Shooting Star

25.  Sunset by a Ocean

 26.  Make-up

27.  Wedding Gowns

28.  Compliments

29.  Zac Efron

30.  Secrets

31.  Rainbows

32.  Black Nailpaint

33.  A Good Conversation

34.  Shopping

35.  Firework

36.  Proposals

37.  Massage

38.  Old Photographs

39.  Getting letters

40.  Bracelets

41.   Jeans(Clothing)

42.   Tattoos

43.   Sleepovers

44.   Philosophies

45.   F.R.I.E.N.D.S

46.   Hugs

47.   Science

48.   Fashion

49.   Good Sense of Humor

50.   ME

♣ How I Decorated my WALL ♣

It had been so long since my wall looked empty, pale and weary. So I made up my mind and splashed my creativity on it to make it look less boring and I swear it was a lot of fun.
The portrait(can't really say) done with oil pastels on left is that of Cameron Diaz. Now do not judge this art because it was not supposed to look exactly like her. It is more of an abstract portrait made in just 20 minutes. Those two butterflies above it, look pretty, don't they? Those I made with the help of a video on Youtube. Youtube is my latest obsession these days.. With the super fast wifi, it is like my dream come true - watching videos on youtube without long bugging buffering. To its right, you can see a color printout of Avril Lavigne in my favorite pose. I had been looking out for big flashy posters but then dropped the idea because I was too lazy to look for that particular shop where they sell them. That could take up the whole wall as well.

Below it, is a quote on God. And my belief that he exists and will guide me in some or the other way to success and happiness in life.That tree in the centre is a demonstration that I do not suck at painting stuff. But I also used a bit of crayons to even it out. So I better stop bragging about it. I just needed something colorful to go with my wall and the tree seemed to be the easiest. To its right, is some funny quote/saying(whatever you can call it) to show the diversity in my thoughts though it is copied. Below the painting is another quote on love which I quite liked when I first read it on google. Love will always be the sweetest part of our lives so I guessed it should be a part of my wall too. And in the left, you can see a quote on life, cut out from black chart paper. It took me 45 minutes to cut out delicately each letter. It must have taken me 40 minutes, I guess. 

To its left, adjacent to it is a paper cut-out done beautifully by my friends and we had used that thingy for the Hostel freshers' but I managed to steal one for my room after the party was over. That thingy reminds me of my childhood, how I would play with one of those similar looking stuff running around like a mad man through the wind just to watch that thingy swirl. Then there is Taylor swift in the color printout (Bad quality, though) from the song "Love Story". I still remember what a big hit it was. Girls at my school couldn't stop singing it loudly in chorus and my friend had begged me ten times to watch its video. And the dress that she wore in the video was splendid. Taylor Swift and her fairy tales. In the extreme left, you can see another quote which is by Bob Moore to inspire me everyday. Because life is all about falls and rising up. This one will certainly keep me motivated. And small cut outs of a basketball and an apple complete my wall, I guess. Basketball is what I love and the apple looked appealing. So it took me two days to get over with this wall decoration task. Hope it doesn't look bad but I have given my audience pretty much to read when they pay a visit to my room :)

Cute and Quirky,

A Goodbye. (Poem)

Long forgotten the memories once again knocked at my door
My vision started to blur as my heart crashed into the floor.

An ordeal of a decade,  to bury my haunting past alive,
you took me by my shivery hand, we both took a dive.
into the freezing cold-heart ocean, I fell out of breath,
But you kissed life into me, I opened my eyes to cheat death.
Each day broke as a thrilling horror, a lost battle I had to fight
Plunged into a pit of plight, I strived to make it through the night.
Every second wrote destiny with a sword that will cut me through,
But the words that you speak turn every lie into consoling truth.

If only my heart could still hold this river of love that flows within,
With every touch, I grow pure and flawless devoid of any sin.

So if you wish to walk out the door tonight, I won't cry.
For you are an angel with halo, will never let me die.

IMPERFECTION Is Beautiful. So am I.

So here I am. Life is so incomprehensible at the moment but I am so caught up in its flow that days just seem to roll by without much notice. Nights are always weary and dreary. And my thoughts are so jumbled and scattered all the time. I just got over being homesick. I still remember how excited I was at this time of last year. Going for basketball or volleyball looked a big deal. Roaming outside the campus was adventurous and exhilarating. Shopping on my own was my favorite but now all these things have become a part of the routine. It makes me realize that in the midst of all of that, I have either grown on personal level or become more kiddish. I have become messier and more unorganized over the year.  Perhaps because I have collected plenty of stuff to fill my side of the room with or for I am no longer under the nose of the super-senior unlike last year who could easily become unimpressed by the mess I could possibly make. Moreover I have been so organized and tidy this whole time that being a pretty mess won't hurt, I guess. Lately, imperfection appeals more to me. I have always burried myself down under the pressure of being perfect but now I feel that being perfect should not always be my business. Imperfection can be beautiful as well. Being a drama queen sometimes just adds a pinch of spice to life. I do not have to be a tidy freak or too nice a person in order to endear myself to every single person out there. 

So yeah, I am single and it does not bother me as much as it does to others. That's something new for me. I never felt the need to have a person of opposite sex to tell me how beautiful or nice I am. I got friends who make me feel too good about myself that insecurity never creeps in. I do not have to rely on false assurance of a guy to get my life on track. I do not have a boyfriend but I got a life which is more adventurous and crunchier than those with a long term boyfriend. "You just have not fallen in love yet!" - now that I get a lot from people but having a boyfriend was never a top priority in my life. Love was always an option. For me love can never be equivalent to life. It is not like I am socially awkward or against those involved in relationship but I do not regret a thing in my life. I accept life as it is. I will never hurry into a relationship because of the peer pressure. This is not justification as to why I am still single. I will get engaged in  a relationship when Mr. Right comes along. I know he's worth the wait. And when he arrives, life will be a bit easier till than I am on my own, setting my own rules giving my own definition to life. 

♦ The One ♦ (Another Love Poem, Haa!)

  

   
     You were the star
     fallen from heavenly sky
     stood before me
     As I get consumed 
     in your luminance.

     You were the dream
     Nurtured in my eyes
     for a hundred years
     Now came true in your shape.

     You were the voice
     a melody played in my mind
     when there was a lull
     before a storm that could
     do me no harm.
    
     You were the hunger
     that could never be satisfied
     A thirst, never be quenched
     left me craving for more.

     You were the promise
     never broken, lived forever
     like a golden thread
     bind our hearts into one.

     You were the puzzle
     scattered all over in pieces
     with endless clues and hints but
     Never complete without me.

     You were the drug
     that kept me alive
     As every breath faltered,
     In your arms, I slept
     safe and sound.

     You were the rain
     that drenched me with zeal
     to conquer the world,
     washed away my doubt.

     You were the truth
     that guided me through
     the charming lies,
     the unworldly expectations
     of this masquerade.

     You were the kiss
     that touched my soul,
     held me mesmerized
     from time immemorial.

YOU ♥ ( A Love Poem)

If only you could feel what I felt,
If only you could hear what I said
under my breath. A whisper.
These days, they just fly by
but the nights are long, daunting, weary, 
every minute hauls itself, 
fighting to make it to the dawn.
You make me feel helpless
like a rose in desert waiting to be saved.
My thoughts are hollow,
my mind gets dysfunctional,
my heartbeat loses its rhythm
when you walk past me.
Needless to say, you affect me
more than anyone could.
Like I am no more in possession
of my own soul. Not fair.
You take over my senses,
You make me weak from head to heel
whenever you are around.
Like a spell sprinkled in the air.
If only I could find some means
to let this feeling out, forsake it
let it dissolve into nothingness.
But every time I close my eyes,
I feel you. I dream of you.
Like your arms wrapped around me,
I could feel your breath on my neck.
It makes me feel safe. Protected.
Like a pearl guarded in its shell.
Like a memory replicated in a diary.
If only, we were close
If only, we were best friends,
you would have read my mind,
set straight the puzzled thoughts.
Because lately, I have caught myself
smiling gleefully in the mirror,
counting stars in the night sky,
humming tunes in my sleep. 
What is this feeling so strong?
that every time I see your face,
hear your deep voice,
I get carried away, I lose sanity,
I'm numb. Is this feeling Love?
A Curse or a Cure?

♫ That One SONG In Your Playlist ♫

There is this thing about some songs. The first time you listen to it, you get it. You get why the song was written, what it meant to say, why the lyrics were just appropriate for it. You are startled why others do not get it but you do. You connect with it in every possible sense. It always stay in your playlist because it is a piece of a truth when everything in this world looks a lie and fake, when you cannot tell right from wrong because everything has got two sides including humans or because that song talks of a fleeting dream that you had framed in your mind for ages and finally there was someone who tore it out from your mind and gave words to it. Deep inside, you know that that song is a small door to your heart for anyone to peek inside. It can be a love song, a heartbreak song, an inspirational song or any other kind of song but it speaks for you when you were at loss for words, it sings a melody that should have been played in the background all that time. And that you keep that song with you forever as a memento of memory, dream or a lesson. Some will never get why that song is your favorite one. But you never feel a need to give an explanation because that would be more like mocking at your own individuality. 

♯ Haircuts - Shopping - Joblessness ☼

So finally, I can just feel the days dragging by with me not much left to do. I sleep nine hours a day now, if I count in the afternoon naps, then a sleep of total eleven hours. A month passed by and I have caught myself only lazying around like a snail most of these days. Now I feel like going back to the university but there is one more month to kill. I do not have a full proof plan of how I am going to survive this month. But let us see how much productive I will be this time.

Getting a haircut is the first thing on my list and going for shopping is the last one. Summers did lure me to get my hair cut short because the heat is unbearable and my head gets oily and sweaty every time I exercise and I cannot shampoo my hair everyday so getting a haircut would lift the burden of hair-care which I'm pretty bad at. And yeah, going to break hearts again for I know that people love to see me in long hair. But it is worth it since all the sports activities will commence again in the next semester  and I will be the first one to jump up giving my name for each sport on the spur of the moment. Take it from me, being a player as well as a pretty lass is not an easy task. It is definitely not my cup of tea. Though I could keep long nails while coming back home, I instinctively cut them short probably because I did not want to literally scratch my cousins accidentally while tickling or even bashing them sometimes :P Also to keep my touch-phone from scratches. I remember how once an older girl was caressing my face and ended up scratching my forehead accidentally, painful it was. I hated her at that moment- old and silly but one of the unforgettable memories. It is funny how some memories are forever embedded in our mind. Now since I am not keeping nails, I would get back to my favorite color nail-polish(for small nails) - Black. *Breaking the spell*, I think I got carried away. 

During the last month, I learnt a couple of things. Firstly, how we tend to treat our younger ones the same way we were treated when we were that young. I am like a big sister to my cousins but they always wonder why I do not act like one. I never wake up early, I never cooked food, I rarely help them with their homework, let alone projects. Some days, I am the one hopping around in the house the whole day singing the most random songs in Hindi and English and some days, I do not come out of my room at all. I am aware how much they hate me when I refuse to do their project drawings but that is how it was when I was their age. Daddie or my elder brother would never help me with my homework or drawings. So when it was about any of my school work, I would never rely on my elder brother or anyone for that matter. I still do not know whether they really wanted me to strive to do my homework or were just lazy to help me out with it. But yes, I turned out to be okay and topped most of the exams. So now if I do not help my cousins with their work, it is justified, I guess.*startled* 

     Secondly, if we love someone very close to us, it does not hurt to show them every once in a while or that person will be tired guessing and might feel unloved after a stage. And feeling unloved is one of the worst feeling on this planet. Let me give you an example, Parents. Their restrictions and regulations can get into the kid's head and mess with it. Sometimes, parents are stubborn and other times, we are. In the end, the child might take all of this in a wrong sense and feel ignored and unloved which ain't the truth but seem like it is. So, yes, if you love your loved ones, show them every now and then. Talk to them about their life and experiences, hug them once in a while, bring them gifts, leave them a small but sweet note, ask them for remarks and suggestions :) Show them love and they will love you even more. 

Enough with my wise words. Now I am signing out. Hope to see you soon. :) Buh Bye. Take Care.

Chatty and Charming,

♦ The Letter ♦ - An Ode to Our FRIENDSHIP

Dear Friend,

        How have you been? I hope this letter reaches you in the pink of health. You should know that I am hale and hearty here. I have been finding new ways to race the life I'm stuck in. Do not be disappointed if there is a delay in delivery of this letter because no matter how many days, months or years pass by, I still miss every memory I have knitted with you.

         Life is too hectic that I forget to pen down the updates in my diary, the one you had gifted me. When I first stepped in this place, I felt lost, struck with panic and anxiety. Everything looked new and fresh. Not a single person I was already even acquainted with. The change was tremendous. I had no friends at first. But later, I befriended myriad people thinking I might bump into another you but it didn't take me much time to realize that there's no one like you. You are irreplaceable. I did end up with a couple of good friends who are like a mirror to me, showing me what I am capable of in life. They make my life less complicated, more joyful and easier. With them, I lose track of time and also most of my worries. We three are close. We definitely are.

       But there are times when I miss you, more than I ever thought I will. I miss our petty, listless but long conversations. I miss how we would wreck songs by singing them in our  "not so pretty" wretched voice. I miss having meals at your place. I miss how you would never console me because we were never fond of those sentimental moments. I miss how you would brag about your medals and momentos before me. I miss how you were always shy to talk about the love of your life but rambled on about your crushes in school. I miss how we would lock ourselves in your room and dance like crazy. I miss going to puja celebrations with you. I miss those morning walks. I miss those camp days. I miss buying stuff together.  I miss calling you names. I miss "you and me". I miss "Us".

       There are many unforgettable memories that I carry along in my mind but you are my favorite memory. Don't assume that I'm shedding a tear while writing this because I'm rather smiling. Although my heart is lamenting a little but I am happy that I had such a wonderful friend to spend my childhood and teenage years with. Now that I am too far from you, I hope that you are taking good care of yourself and missing me the appropriate amount *giggles*. I would love to see you soon. Keep smiling.

p.s. If you are planning to surprise me by paying  a visit, do not forget to bring me a gift. :)

Love, 

Your Friend.

    

▒ The Voice ▒ - To Bring An AWAKENING ۞

I'm not a writer but I got a voice, a voice waiting to be heard. A voice that talks of experiences and feelings, feelings that cannot be touched or seen, can only be felt by the pure hearts. A voice that wants to ruffle up the conscience in every man, a voice that waits to bring the awakening. A voice that wants to sing, sing away the melody which is so enticing that no heart can wait to warm up and unveil the tiniest agony hidden within. The voice that will lure your soul to surrender to the benefit of mankind. A voice that strikes all the concordant notes to calm the devil inside each one of us. A voice that can be heard only by those with good intent all through the devastating circumstances. A voice that is waiting to be yours, waiting to pour out from your mouth.

When I sit down to write my DIARY ☺

There are days when you sit down to write in your diary but every thought that flies in dissolves in the blink of an eye. There is so much to tell but the words would not stop playing hide and seek. You break into every corner of your mind to recollect the oldest of your memories but it seems futile. Then you sit and wait for some inspiration, something to ignite the creativity that is waiting to be embraced. You look at the sky faded blue and the clouds concealing the illuminated sun. Your eyes wander more until it caught a glimpse of a silver lining. You sigh out all the worries that hold you captured. Then, you set your gaze upon the busy street that absorbs in the lilting voice of cuckoos. You are reminded of the clock that is ticking by. But you are no more sane when a breeze strikes your face and breaks through the blockages in the branches on your mind. Your mind unfolding every single memory that lit you up during all these years. A smile retreats, spreads all over your face, your eyes glazing brown. You lift up your pen and trace every endearing memory in your diary.

Sound and Sulky,
 

MOVING ON (Poem)

I shut my eyes, with it
the glimpses of this city in my mind,
climbed onto the bus with a heavy heart,

my gaze steering through
welcomed by unfamiliar stares,
i took a seat by a window,
intromitted the sunlight  soaked in blue,
I breathed in the smoky smell
of the bus, let out a sigh,
My mind, still clouded, misted
with the pictures of the streets
I drove in the twilight,
the giant moon that crept
over our balcony,
a mystical yet breathtaking view,
Did I inhale the reality of the moment,
that smell of incense stick, would
linger in through the neighbor's window,
the tree in the backyard,
that I had witnessed growing fuller,
greener every spring
and naked every autumn.
that cute snuggly black kitten,
sneaked into my room, paying humble visits,
grew to be a scary yet adorable creature
infront of my brown eyes.
The glisten of the streets after rain,
like tiny diamonds embedded in them,
the wetness of the branches of the same tree.
A sudden attack of nostalgia was it?
my eyes, misted with teardrops
smudging my mascara, blurring my vision.
As I opened the window,
felt the drizzle on my cheeks,
tiny droplets of rain smothered
my pale weary face.
The rain poured all over
with it, the memories old and new,
I extended my arm out,
to catch the drops of memories
a futile endeavor,
my sobs went unheard under
the sound of rain, washed away my tears,
As I sat back in my seat,
induced to a slumber that promised
nothing but a momentary relief.

CHOICES That We Make (Return of NOSTALGIA) Ѫ

So, here I am . The last few days have been more like a whirlwind pushing me into a river of thoughts and memories. I still wonder what my life would have been like if I were studying in Andhra Pradesh and not in Assam. One thing I was certain of was that If I had chosen to continue my studies there, I would have never learnt about my own culture i.e Assamese culture. It would have been a shame. In fact, I'm not even fluent yet in speaking Assamese. They say language can sometimes become a barrier in friendship - Not always true. There will always be people who would be ready to accept you the way you are, despite your flaws and all. All you have to do is hold on to them. I consider myself lucky to have such people in my life. Then there are going to be some people who would never miss a chance to ridicule you by pointing out even you pettiest faults. Well, I'm led astray by my other philosophies and findings. I was saying that sometimes you have to make certain choices, choices that can be really difficult to make. Choosing between Sec-bad and my own place, Assam was sure a tough one. It was like choosing between an ice-cream and a chocolate. You love them both but you dad will buy you only one of them. Sec-bad has been like a home to me for a decade. When you live at a place for so long, it grows on you. You know the streets and some of the important routes you embed in your mind to school, hospital, malls and restaurants. Then you got friends somewhere near your place and you can drive to them every time you get lonely during weekends and especially during long vacations.  What really intrigued me that I had only a couple of Assamese friends, I never really knew what it was like to grow up in your own native place, speaking a language that sets you apart from the people of other states, our own rituals and rites. I am not a religious or a spiritual person but I respect tradition and certain mystical beliefs people have about everything. It is not logical to support them but if it is doing them good and making them a better person, why bother? And I wished to get familiar to some of them. Another reason that can be accounted was that everyday I would hear people rambling on in their language , Telegu. Although I prefer myself and others to speak or learn to speak in Hindi, I learnt that how much in love they were with their own language and were proud of it. So, I felt it is time that I learn Assamese too. They say that the best way to learn a language is to stay amongst the native speakers and learn it. So here I am. Moreover, I am a sort of person who is not fond of a routinized life. Same places, same faces, they bore me. I love variety. I love change. Living in a place for more than ten years did not seem a brilliant idea to me. So I was compelled to be here, the place where my parents grew up. Everything about here is wonderful. Except, I miss the big malls and restaurants that would lined up along streets in sec-bad. But our university is like a little paradise to us. Riding off our bicycles by the playground at night does send a chill down my spine for the field would be teeming with lights with guys and girls playing football, cricket and basketball, it sure is a thrilling sight. You don't have to drive out of the campus for street food. We got stalls within the campus, golgappe, momos, chaat - street food. When I had first stepped into the campus for counselling, I could not help but gape at the magnificent, at the same time, spectacular panorama. Right then, I knew that I am going to have the time of my life here. Our university is engulfed in the beauty of nature. But now is the time to rest our asses off at home.

It is amusing that when people ask me where I'm from, I'm bound to say Jorhat instead of Sec-bad. Taking birth at a particular place and growing up in a different place leaves me with a question mark, what would be the appropriate answer to - Where am I from? If only they would ask me where I hail from? Jorhat it is. But if they ask where I grew up, I'd say Sec-bad. But now I'm fed up of explaining it to people, so I rather tell them that I'm from Jorhat but then they question more as to why my accent does not seem to prove the fact that I'm from Jorhat, then I explain them the whole thing again in a monotonous tone. And every time I'm caught in this situation, I am annoyed. I remember how in schools, folks were always excited to ask me where I come from 'cause I looked different, not really, I look like how northeast people do, and I would feel special. Alas, does not happen anymore. But everyone is so nice and warm here that I never feel left out here. And the weather is so soothing and refreshing. In sec-bad, you could never tell a difference between winter and autumn and summer was too hot and dry. But here, summer is hot, winter is cold, that's how it should be, right?  But at times, I do get nostalgic reminiscing the years I have spent in Andhra Pradesh. Sometimes, I just cannot recall the smell of those streets or the faces of the folks in our colony or the taste of those golgappas from the stall stood nearby our school. And I miss it. Good or Bad, I miss it all. :')

Pretty and Peppy,

A Sneak Peek - Part 2

I'm home. It's too hot here, like the sun is boiling with all its might and we sit inside our abode with all the perspiration. No matter what we start with, the scotching heat will drain you all of your spirit and strength. Today, I'm little bit out of energy. I don't remember what I dreamt last night. I'm trying to stick to a routine that will include activities which I had planned to do in this summer vacation. I'm reluctant to mention what I'm aiming for. Remember those days when we have a whole list of options on what we can do to kill time but we still just sit down like couch potato and do nothing, not even a single damn thing? Well, I'm not gone this paranoid as of now though there are reasons that I should be. Being home (here in Assam), it is like being disconnected from the world outside. It's more like living in a house that is found far from civilization, amongst forests. It's peaceful, quiet and still your brain shuts down at times. You can count this place among those where you can spend time soul-searching. But I'm confused what soul-searching really means. It sounds like some meditation that you do to achieve Zen and stuff or find what really makes you happy, the inner peace and blah blah. What do I need soul-searching for?

It feels like I'm watching television after a decade. Watching television in hostel never made me comfortable enough. When you know that there's always someone peering at the screen just over your shoulder, it kind of takes away the real joy of watching television. Hence I prefer watching television only at home where there's no one objecting over what I should or should not watch. Apart from that, the internet connection is not as slow as I assumed it to be which is pretty good news. Keeping aside the television and internet and coming to humans, my cousins are still the same- Noisy, brawlers of the highest order, little young women with sharp tongues. I doubt whether I was as chatty and loud when I was young. Now I'm definitely not.   Besides that, you know how it is here? Here, you'll never need to set an alarm to get up early in the mornings. Your cousins wake up way too earlier and even start fighting that it'll be as clamorous as a battle that will awake you though that's not a good way to start a day. At my mother's place, it's my little cousin sister who'd wake up first and cry at the top of her voice that the whole house is bound to wake up instantly. I told ya', No need of setting Alarms! The one thing that did go out of my hand was my idea of turning into a vegan. I was very determined not to even touch chicken or fish but then I was familiarized with the very distasteful vegetable dishes that they serve us as food in hostel. They can only cook non-vegetarian dishes right. I was helpless. Earlier, Mom would make every veggie in a certain different way so that it would end up being my favorite dish but now no more homemade meals. It was hard to remain a vegan. Sigh. At home, I do prefer having as much of veggies because I know that my retreat to hostel will turn me into a non-vegan again. But I do miss that life too, my friends, that feeling of being on my own and being self-reliant. I hope my friends miss me too :)

Spooky and Sassy,

Going Home ♥

Exams are over. What a big relief! Like the weight hanging inside my head is finally being lifted. Now is the time to pack up my stuff and head back home(in Assam). Well, heading back home is equivalent to five hours of Bus ride for me. Those five hours of "Boredom" that freezes every nerve in your brain and you wish you could sleep through the whole journey. But I'm not the one who can fall asleep on cue. The last two times I was in that house, I could not gather myself to call it home though Dad was there. Because home is where Mom-Dad are, where you have meals cooked by mom and spend money borrowed from your dad. I had always fancied the idea of living in a hostel where I would find myriad friends, would live, eat and go to bed with them. And that we'll be like "Young, Wild and Free." But it turns out that no matter how many friends or soul sisters you got here, no one can make you feel as secure as you feel with your parents. For all those times when you are blue and Mom assures you that it is going to be okay and you instantly believe her. When you are struggling with your project and Dad shows you how you do it the right way. Then you got a brother who never misses a chance to pull your leg or pass lousy comments on your new hairstyle or new dresses. But it does feel so "Right" to be together with them. Now I miss it. I really do. 

I'm so overwhelmed that I'm going back home. Two months of Mom's pampering and Dad's scoldings for being a couch potato or sleeping way too much. But this time I got Plans. A list that will define my existence and save me from this monster called "Boredom". I think I'm going to have a good time with my cousins who are younger, wilder and cuter and listen to me, unlike others. Hehe! And I realised that now that I'm going to be away from the friends and people here. I'll miss them especially my senior roomie who has been such a sweetheart and I'll miss being "Busy Bee". Getting up early for college, dressing up for various events, going shopping with friends, watching movies and shows with them, those birthday bashes and cakes :), those jam sessions, those dance rehearsals. Not going to miss hostel food though. I just hope I'm productive while I'm at home. I feel everything is going to be just 

fine :)

A good secret keeper,

« Trance »

Stepping into a pool of people ,
made his way to the coffee shop
at the corner of the street,
A customary cold stare  he bore
hovered around for a while
as  he took a seat ,
folded up his sleeves,
The same sweet aroma of coffee
he inhaled in, sighing,
as every worry waited to flee
When suddenly a face caught his eye,
Sat by an open window was a girl
the brown eyed, an endearing smile,
was he instantly drawn to her,
A breeze stirred her disposition
Awoken from a dreamy thought,
tucked strands of hair behind her ear,
those eyes told a million stories,
those lips seemed to whisper a song,
there was something about her
that made his senses to blur.
the serenity of her face intrigued him
what was it about her?
forcing him to fall into her gravity,

Little did she knew,
about the guy she held spell-bound
at the moment,
Bewildered he was, jumbled,
unable to figure out
as she got his heart to pound
hard against his broad chest ,
A little while later,
stood from her seat, tip-toed to the door
closing it behind her, fused in the crowd,
That night, he lied awake in his undone bed,
fell prey to insomnia,
reminiscing the look of her face
failed to shake her off his mind
eventually intoxicated by sleep,
The clock ticked away,
the night gave way to the day,
In his bed, he awoke with an anxiety
stepped out of the building,
marched to the cafe,
waited in anticipation
for the girl who had ruffled
the things inside him, became
A Puzzle of his Heart ..

♣ Dancing Queen ♣

Tonight, I danced to the music for hours.

As the melody swept my body, I lost my balance and

let the music take me over.
To every beat, did I surrender my sanity.
A wave of rapture ran down my spine as I swayed
and swirled my body till it was lighter than air.
My heart pumping hard, flew aloft as it let go
every affliction it hid in its corners.
Tonight, I loosened my burdened soul,
cut through the glass that held me
prisoned from the true sense of mirth.
The euphony held me in its arms
raised me to the levels of joy that comes with a price
but tonight it was free.
Free was I, from those bonds
that pulled me toward the blues.
Every breath came easily, smoothly
I spread my arms and drew a masterpiece in air.
embraced each moment that bathed me with a fresh fervor, rebuilt my confidence, I fell in love
with myself again tonight.
My toes followed the beat as my heels ascended,
spun my body, drew a circle of life
let the aura of serenity fuse in it.
My soul immersed in the beauty
of the melody that knitted my belief
in every dream I owned, shone in its glory.
As I waltz around without a worry
took pride in my imperfections
and danced for none but myself
Tonight the music poured into me life
that was missing lately and
I smiled and laughed from within, from heart.
Tonight, I lost myself and yet found ME.

LoVe-StRucK ♥

Every night, I lie down in my cold bed,
silence creeps in through the door,
every noise subsides,                            
A string of thoughts entangle me,
A war rages inside me,

If it's not love, what is?

In the same yard, we grew up together
playing hide and seek, wiping dust
off each other's clothes,
Best friend, you were to me,
Our petty fights, the sappy arguments,
Us laughing out each little pile of problems
still holding on to each other
till the very end.

But lately, I'm in knots.
Not keeping the track of time or my emotions.
I'm falling and I know,
deeper into the realms of love?
No longer, do I think of me but you.


Was I struck by the cupid?                                                              
Was I drowning in the ocean of love,
The look of your brown-eyes
the touch of your hands,
lure my heart to surrender.
Was it your victory or my defeat?
Every now and then, I let
my mind drift away
dreaming all that we could be,
The feeling, so comforting,
so mesmerizing and yet so stirring.


The stars glimmer brighter, the moon - bigger.                                     
And In my bed, i lay restless, uneasy
for I know that I would wake up tomorrow to see
the smile that gets my heart to skip a beat.
And with your gaze stuck on mine,
I yearn to say "I love you"
But that can wait,
I keep wishing along !